Black Hole Patrol / BHPMM01

With our guns, we can save, or we can kill. Who we save, and who we kill depends entirely on who pays best.

Article 1 – Bros before hoes.

Article 2 – A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of His Bros are all doing it.

Article 4 – A Bro never divulges the existence of the Bro Code to a woman. If you are a woman reading this, this document is a piece of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience. Clearly no real person would actually believe or adhere to the rules contained within. *

Article 5 – A Bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other Bros in the gym locker room.

Article 6 – Whether he cares about sports or not, a Bro cares about sports

Article 7 – A Bro never admits he can’t drive stick. Even after an accident

Article 8 – A bro never sends a greeting card to another bro

Article 9 – Should a Bro lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow Bros will not make lame jokes such as “Gimme three!” or “Wow, quitting your job like that really took a lot of ball.” It’s still a high five and that Bro still has a lot of balls… metaphorically speaking.

Article 10 – A Bro will drop whatever he’s doing and rush to help his Bro dump a chick.

Article 11 – A Bro may ask his Bro(s) to help him move, but only after first disclosing an honest estimate on both time and commitment and number of large pieces of furniture. if the bro has vastly underestimated either, his Bros retain the right to leave his possessions where they are.

Article 12 – Bros do not share dessert

Article 13 – All Bros shall dub one of their Bros his wing man.

Article 15 – A Bro never dances with his hands above his head.

Article 18 – If a Bro spearheads a beer run at a party, he is entitled to any excess monies accrued after canvassing the group.

Article 22 – There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a Bro.

Article 29 – A Bro shall always alert another Bro of any girl fight

Article 30 – A Bro doesn’t comparison shop.

Article 32 – A Bro doesn’t allow another Bro to get married until he’s at least thirty.

Article 34 – Bros cannot make eye contact during a devil’s three-way

Article 35 – A bro never rents a chick flick

Article 39 – The Three Days Rule When a Bro gets a chick’s number he waits at least 96 hours before calling her.

Article 41 – A Bro never cries.

Article 45 – A bro never wears jeans to a strip club

Article 53- A Bro will, whenever possible, provide a bro with protection

Article 56 – A Bro is required to alert another Bro if the Bro/Chick Ratio at a party falls below 1:1, however to avoid Broflation, a Bro is only allowed to alert one Bro. Further , a Bro may not speculate on the anticipated Bro/Chick Ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present – time observed ratio.

Article 59 – A Bro must always post bail for another Bro, unless its out of state, or like crazy expensive Crazy expensive = Bail > (Years you’ve been bros) x $100.00

Article 62 – A bro that calls “dibs” first, has dibs.

Article 65 – A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros.

Article 69 – duh

Article 75 – A bro saves a bro from his ex

Article 78 – A Bro shall never rack jack his wing man

Article 84 – a bro never turns off Die Hard when it’s on TV

Article 85 – A bro saves a bro from the friend zone

Article 86 – The Hot/Crazy Scale; When a Bro meets a chick, he shall endeavor to find out where she fits on the Hot/Crazy scale before pursuing her.

Article 87 – A Bro shall at all times say “yes” in support of a Bro.

Article 107 – No leaving a Bro hanging

Article 149 – A bro pretends to like cigars

Article 150 – A bro never dates a bro’s ex-girlfriend (unless granted permission)

Article 159 – A Bro always likes the new profile picture of another bro.

Article 438 – A true Bro will never be “Necklace Guy”.