HomeStarmy / HOMESTARMY

Incoming Data log:
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Transcript:
{The Compy appears to be dusty with a little cobweb on the top left corner.}
STRONG BAD: {runs in and sits} Whoa. Guess it’s been a while. {wipes some dust off the Compy’s screen} Sorry about that, Compy. Need to get some… {starts typing “strongbad_email.exe”} Endust.
{Strong Bad reads}
Dear Strong Bad,
I was curious as to whether or not
Strong Badia had an official army.
Your Homeboy,
Hank Toler
STRONG BAD: {typing} Does Strong Badia have an army? Strong Badia needs no army, Hankatola. Me and that one big guy and that one little guy… we’re a one man army. Er, a three man one-y. Three-to-one-marny? What I mean to say is, what do we need an army for when the three of us pretty much do as we please? I mean, it’s not like there’s anyone around to oppose us.
{Homestar Runner suddenly appears wearing a bowl on his head and carrying a large spoon.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: All right, maggot! Fall it out. Colonel {he pronounces it phonetically, i.e. “col-o-nel”} Homestar Runner is recruiting the most elite team of crack commandos to invade Strong Badia. Do you has what it takes to join the Homestarmy? Will you bring a sack lunch and some orange slices for me and serve your country? Will you, stupid?!
STRONG BAD: Um… no. I don’t really have any interest in invading my own—
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ten-hut! Draft dodger, eh? We’ll see if those trees you’re always hugging save you when Gordon Lightfoot’s creeping round your back stair. Company… Halt! Backwards… March!
{Homestar marches backwards off screen.}
STRONG BAD: What the—
{Homestar sticks his head back in.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, and if you change your mind, or you wanna trade in that skirt you’re wearing for a nice pair of camos, we’re having a pep rally up at the stick in oh-fifteen minutes.
STRONG BAD: Wow. I thought I knew what ridiculous was, until this day. This definitely merits some further reconnaissance. The Cheat!
{The Cheat runs in, wearing his Firebert costume.}
THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: The Cheat, I need you to find out—
THE CHEAT: {sounding a little upset} {The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: Ohhh. Don’t make me call you that. It’s not a good commando name.
THE CHEAT: {forcefully} {The Cheat noises}
STRONG BAD: Ugh, all right. {reluctantly} Firebert, I need you to find out what the crap Homestar Runner is up to at The Stick in oh-fifteen minutes.
THE CHEAT: {affirmative The Cheat noises as he salutes}
{Scene changes to The Stick.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Are you sick and tired of playing second-fiddle to a two bit wrestleman and his yellow dog?
CROWD: YEAH!
{faint rewind noise}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Are you ready to fight alongside your Colonel {again pronounced phonetically} and give your five bucks to the Homestarmy if it comes to that?
CROWD: YEAH!
{faint rewind noise}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Do you wanna paint that fence some other cool color and put a fake beard on that tire?
{silence}
{Switches to view of Homestar’s audience, showing it consists of the painting of a guy with a big knife, Strong Sad holding a tapedeck, Homsar, and a popcorn popper.}
STRONG SAD: Oh, sorry. Forgot to rewind.
{Strong Sad rewinds tape deck and presses play}
CROWD: YEAH!
HOMSAR: DaAaAaAa! You gotta get yours. I gotta get mine.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: All right then, maggots! Let’s get out there and invade us some serious Strong Badia! Company… GO!
{The Homestarmy marches off and The Cheat appears from behind The Stick. The view now shifts to Strong Badia where Strong Bad and Strong Mad are wondering about badminton.}
STRONG BAD: Yeah, I don’t know. Maybe there is a goodminton.
{The Homestarmy marches up, but Homsar keeps going and walks right off the other side of the screen.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Bad, so I see you decided to join the other side, eh?
STRONG BAD: What joining?? I am the other side!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ten-Hut! Prepare to feel the fluoride sting of the Homestarmy! Strong Badia… will be ours!
STRONG BAD: No it won’t. We’re about to play some badminton. So… no invasion.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh. Oh I see. {pause} Retreat! Fall back men! We’re in over our heads!
STRONG SAD: Hold the line! Hold the liiiine!
STRONG BAD: And take this stupid thing with you.
{Strong Bad kicks the popcorn popper. A crash is heard off screen.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Bennedetto! Don’t you die on me, Bennedetto! Not on my watch! Don’t you give up! {Tearing up} You never gave me the five bucks… {taps Bennedetto with his spoon}
{Cut back to Strong Bad’s computer.}
STRONG BAD: {Typing} And that, my dear Hankerin’, is why Strong Badia will never need an army, though we are in dire need of a copy of the official rules of badminton. No idea what we’re doing. None.
{The Paper comes down.}
STRONG BAD: {mumbling} Firebert. Terrible!

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