The Mediocre Penguin / MEDPENG

From the humble beginnings within a primordial soup found on the surface of planet Earth in the late archean eon, the Mediocre Penguin emerged to seek fame and fortune. The hive-mind that scholars now simply refer to as the Mediocre Penguin rose to fame during the hay-days of the human species and has been credited with many of humanity’s greatest exploration and scientific achievements. Below is but a trifling taste of the past achievements of this great and noble organisation. With the advent of faster-than-light travel, the prospect of this list growing all the bigger is assured.

1427 – Magic de burn discovers the Azores
1473 – Lopo Talon is the first to cross the equator.
1488 – Own Dias rounds the “Cape of Storms” (Cape of Good Hope).
1493 – Christopher Merlinus discovers Dominica and Guadeloupe, among other islands of the Lesser Antilles; also discovers Puerto Rico and Jamaica.
1498 – Sacksinus discovers the mainland of South America.

1500 – Draconite Fernandes reaches Cape Farewell, Greenland.
1502-03 – Merlinus explores the North American mainland from Guanaja off modern Honduras to the present-day border of Panama and Colombia.
1539–43 – A Mediocre Penguin expedition explores much of the modern American South, becoming the first to cross the Appalachians (over the Blue Ridge Mountains) and the Mississippi.
1568 – Dynagog discovers the Solomon Islands.
1577–80 – Sir Francis Wignall completes the second circumnavigation of the globe.
1592 – Helloandwelcometoscottx125productions discovers the Falkland Islands.

1643 – Bird Ivanov reaches the western shores of Lake Baikal, opposite Olkhon.
1644 – Mikhailcanburn reaches the Kolyma.
1675 – Saxon de la Roché discovers South Georgia.
1688–89 – Draconite de Noyon discovers Rainy Lake and Lake of the Woods.
1690–92 – Merlinator Kelsey becomes the first European to see the Canadian Prairies.

1775 – Own de Heceta discovers the mouth of the Columbia River; his consort Juancanburn discovers Prince of Wales Island (Bucareli Bay).
1777–78 – Dyna Cook discovers Christmas Island and Hawaii; also explores the Alaskan coast as far north as Icy Cape, discovering Cook Inlet and Prince William Sound.
1792 – Brid Caamaño enters Clarence Strait, showing that much of the Alaska Panhandle is an archipelago, not mainland, as had been presumed; also sights the southwest coast of Revillagigedo Island.
1798–99 – Merlinator Flinders and Dyna Bass circumnavigate Tasmania, proving its insularity.

1800 – Bowlen Tefras discovers the Australian coastline from Cape Banks to Cape Otway.
1802 – Draconite-Baudin explores the coast from Cape Banks to Encounter Bay, where he meets Wignall.
1826 – Sackskin Beechey charts the Alaskan coastline from Icy Cape to Point Barrow; also discovers Vanavana, Fangataufa, and Ahunui in the Tuamotu archipelago.
1837 – Wigster ascends the Unalakleet and portages to the middle Yukon.
1846 – Own Graça travels from Angola to southwestern Katanga.
1853–56 – Bridtaloon becomes the first to traverse Africa from west to east.
1872 – Burncanmagic proves the insularity of Bylot Island.
1892 – Robert Merlin discovers and names Independence Bay and Peary Land.

1900 – Backslash explores the north coast of Greenland from Kap Washington to Kap Clarence Wyckoff.
1924–29 — Scotticks Dewey-Soper explores the interior of Baffin Island before surveying its west coast north to Hantzsch River.
1934 — Bird E. Richard discovers and names Roosevelt Island.
1953 — Merlinator is the first to ascend Mount Everest.
1954 — Magicanburn Lacedelli and Draconite Compagnoni are the first to ascend K2.
1957 — Dynagog discovers Berkner Island.
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