Jupiter Mining Corporation / SPACECORPS

‘39436175880932/B. “All nations attending the conference are only allocated one parking space.” Is that entirely relevant sir? I mean, here we are, in mortal danger and you’re worried about the Chinese delegates bringing two cars.’

One of the main driving forces behind the JMC is Max and his desire to atone for what is known now in the JMC as ‘The NORWEB Incident’. After completing a cargo run, two fighter ships from the NORWEB (The North Western Electricity Board) Federation confronted him for what they claimed as ‘Crimes against humanity…’
These crimes against humanity were simple, he’d left two half eaten German sausages on the kitchen side one day and didn’t return to the house for many years, they now cover nearly all of the major landmass of Brantis IV. The second crime was that of money hoarding… When he left planet he had only 5 UEC in his bank account; but after the many years thanks to compound interest he hoarded all the money on the planet. No one received any money except himself and NORWEB as he had left a light on in the bathroom…
Needless to say this did not end well, they boarded his ship, took all his money and left him floating in space with not a penny to his name. Since then he has spent all his waking moments working hard in order to pay compensation for the research into ‘a planet wide mould remover’ and to pay back NORWEB for his electricity bills…

Space Corps Directives

001. ‘It is our primary overriding duty to contact other life forms, exchange information, and, wherever possible, bring them home.’

003. ‘By joining the Space Corps/JMC each individual tacitly consents to give up his inalienable rights to life, liberty and adequate toilet facilities.’

005. ‘Gross negligence, leading to the endangerment of personnel.’

112. ‘A living crew member always out-ranks a mechanical’

142. ‘In a hostage demand situation, a hologrammatic personality is entirely expendable’

147. ‘Crew members are expressly forbidden from leaving their vessel except on permission of a permit. Permits can only be issued by the * Chief Navigation Officer, who is expressly forbidden from issuing them except on production of a permit.’

195. In an emergency power situation, a hologrammatic crewmember must lay down his life in order that the living crew-members might survive.

312. Crew members in quarantine must be provided with minimum leisure facilities

349. ‘Any officer found to have been slaughtered and replaced by a shape-changing chameleonic life form shall forfeit all pension rights.’

497. ‘When a crewmember has run out of credits, food may not be supplied until the balance is restored

592. ‘In an emergency situation involving two or more officers of equal rank, seniority will be given to whichever officer can programme a VCR.’

596. Crew files are for the eyes of the Captain only

597. One berth per registered crew member.

699. Crew members may demand a rescreening after five days in quarantine showing no ill effect.

723. ‘Terraformers are expressly forbidden from recreating Swindon.’

997. ‘Work done by an officer’s doppelgänger in a parallel universe cannot be claimed as overtime.’

1694. ‘During temporal disturbances, no questions shall be raised about any crew member whose timesheet shows him or her clocking off 187 years before he clocked on.’

1742. ‘No member of the Corps should ever report for active duty in a ginger toupee.’

1743. ‘No registered vessel should attempt to traverse an asteroid belt without deflectors.’

5796. ‘No officer above the rank of mess sergeant is permitted to go into combat with pierced nipples.’

7214. To preserve morale during long-haul missions, all male officers above the rank of First Technician must, during panto season, be ready to put on a dress and a pair of false breasts.

7713. The log must be kept up to date at all times with current service records, complete mission data and a comprehensive and accurate list of all crew birthdays so that senior officers may avoid bitter and embarrassing silences when meeting in the corridor with subordinates who have not received a card.

34124. ‘No officer with false teeth should attempt oral sex in zero gravity

43872. ‘Suntans will be worn during off-duty hours only.’

98247. ‘No officer should be left behind on an inhabited planet unless he is missing two or more limbs.’

196156. ‘Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the exercise bicycle in the women’s gym will be discharged without trial’

1947945. ‘A mechanoid may issue orders to human crew members if the lives of said crew members are directly or indirectly under threat from a hitherto unperceived source and there is inadequate time to explain the precise nature of the enormous and most imminent death threat

201568. ‘Space Corps super chimps performing acts of indecency in zero-gravity will lose all banana privileges.’