Pirates of the Flying Spaghetti Monster / SPGHT

Some words I wrote once elsewhere on the God of the Pastafarians, the Flying Speghetti Monster. (NOTE: not the Rastafarians of Bob Marley fame).
He revealed himself to a young scientist in California named Bobby Henderson. Henderson was so moved by the revelation of the Almeaty, he sent an open letter to the Kansas Board of Education a couple of years ago when they were debating whether to add Intelligent Design to the science curriculum. His letter applauded their efforts but reminded them that there are more than one theory of ID. He demanded equal time for the theory of FSM.
It is his Noodly Appendages that hold us down upon the earth (scientists call this “gravity”).
His chosen People are Pirates, but only the kind that ride in giant sailing ships and swashbuckle, saying “Arrrr” and “Shiver me timbers”. It is believed that there is a direct correlation between the decline in the number of pirates and the rise in global warming.
I currently have on my cube wall the very graph he used to show the correlation between Pirates and Global Temperture.
Pastafarianism is a parody religion, but don’t let that label fool you, I take it very serious, because I see much truth in the silliness. In ancient times there were always gods who played the fool, carried on by court jesters and even modern day comedians, who held a mirror up to the society of the day to point out what is really going on, to make you laugh, yes, but also to make you think, to make you see yourself in a new light, and to grow from the experience.
It is not about the facts of whether the FSM is real in a non-abstract sense. I leave that up to scientists. I trust in their “logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence” (to quote St. Bobby).
I, personally, am all about the stories. Do the stories that try to teach us about our selves and about the world and about the type of people we should want to be accurate to the world we live in? I think much of organized religion, though it means well, has lost its way on telling people what is important to a real life of happiness and fulfilment.
I currently choose my faith stories based on how much they make me laugh. Laughter is the best medicine. Kurt Vonnegut once wrote that a well developed sense of humor is superior to religion.
I would say that a well developed religion has a superior sense of humor (about itself, about society, and about the whole universe).
As for the basis of FSM, Pastafarianism is a PLEA to those who believe in Intelligent design and creationism, to stop trying to use POLITICAL means to get their theories heard, but to allow their ideas to be tested as any other scientific theory has been tested and continuously is tested against the evidence current, and the evidence that will be collected in the future.
RAmen. May His Noodly Appendage Touch You All.

1. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Act Like A Sanctimonious, Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If some people don’t believe in me, that’s okay. Really. I’m not that vain. Besides, this isn’t about them so don’t change the subject. OK?

2. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Use My Existence As A Means To Kill, Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I don’t require sacrifices and purity is for drinking water, not people.
In the beginning

3. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, and get this in your thick heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person. Samey-Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we’re talking about fashion. Then, I’m sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.

4. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is, “ Go f*** yourself,” Unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.

5.I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then, go after the B******.

6. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Build Multimillion-Dollar Churches/ Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (take your pick)
A: Ending Poverty,
B: Curing Diseases,
C: Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable.
D: Creating large amounts of vigorously-pulsating sex machines.
I might be a complex-carbohydrate, omniscient being, But I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the Creator.

7. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Go Around Telling People I Talk To You. You’re not that interesting. Get over yourself. And, I told you to love your fellow man. Can’t you take a hint?

8.I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot Of Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If the other person is into it, however (Pursuant To #4), then have at it. Take Pictures. But for the love of Mike, wear A CONDOM! Honestly, it’s a piece of rubber. If I didn’t want it to feel good when you did it, I would have added spikes or something.