Broadcast live from the engineering room that takes up an entire zip code. Are you looking for a capital ship with cutting edge engineering? A vessel built around a gigantic, industrial, skyscraper-sized powerplant sitting in literal glowing coolant baths that still can't seem to cool anything? A ship where half the interior volume is engine, pipes, ducts, radiators, vents, compressors, cryo-loops, and dangerous-looking tubes, with 1/10 the shields of the next biggest capital? Then step right up, because boy do we have the product for you. Presenting the Size 10 Torpedo Boat With the Defensive Profile of a Drake Cutter! That's right! The Polaris has been reimagined from the keel up to give you that pure, authentic paper mache capital ship experience. :star2: Benefits include: Shields so thin you can see through them. Just like your excuses when someone asks why your fully crewed capital ship evaporated to a single Gladius. A single shield generator, because who needs redundancy. That's right, this capital ship, the one with the engine room that looks like a nuclear cathedral, only has one shield generator producing exactly no hitpoints! Authentic Drake lifestyle energy. People will see you coming and say, “Wow, that ship cost how much?” Just maybe not the way you expected them to ask it. :gift: But wait, there's more! Order now and you will also receive the Polaris Survival Kit! Inside you will find: • A complimentary medpen • A pamphlet titled “So Your Capital Ship Exploded Again” • One coupon for half off a Breakfast Dog • A sticky note that reads, “Git gud, I guess” Absolutely free. :speech_balloon: Customer Testimonials “I blinked and it died.” – Former Polaris Captain “My hull lasted longer than my last relationship, which is not saying much.” – Polaris Owner, in global chat “I tried to turn on the shields and the ship told me to ‘believe in myself.’” – Confused Pilot :sparkles: Call now. Supplies are limited. Survivability is even more limited. The 2955 RSI Polaris: All the firepower of a capital ship with the defensive commitment of a wet cardboard box.