There I was, facing one of the biggest dilemmas in my life. I had my backpack filled as full as it can get with toiletries, shower stuff, my clean change of clothes and towels and such on my way to the shower, but first I needed to use the restroom which was going to require sitting down. And as anyone middle aged or older knows, the closer you get to the bathroom the more urgent the need to go gets. Well, I am here to tell you that it was getting pretty urgent at this point, so I stopped at the bathroom door and shrugged my shoulders to loosen the new backpack, and nothing happened. It was tight and to my chagrin there were no straps to loosen on it, so it was there, and I needed it off. So, I bent down to my left and flapped my arm and my arm was the only thing moving, I tried bending to my right and tried spinning my right arm in forward circles with a quick stop and throwing it in reverse, and although it has worked a few times when I got the truck stuck in mud it did not work to loosen the backpack's death grip on my back. So, I tried hopping up and down...is there any other way to hop? I have often heard that saying but never thought of it like that...hmm. Anyway, I hopped about, while twisting here and there, and alternately swinging an arm at a time with a few attempts of swinging them both at the same time and only managed to tire myself out. The backpack was clinging to me like the time I was clinging to the rafter in the garage when I accidentally knocked the ladder down. The urgent situation had long left the urgent state and it was a dire situation now, I am talking DEFCON 4 here. I finally came to the realization that I was going to have to just use the bathroom with the backpack on. So, I entered the bathroom and turned to shut the door and knocked everything off the shelf with the backpack, I aimed my hind end toward the toilet the best I could and leaned forward to drop my drawers. Oops, I had leaned too far forward, and the weight of the backpack caused me to lose my balance and walk against my will into the wall with my head. I got my drawers down and realized that since they were now down around my ankles I could not walk backwards to the toilet. So after hitting my head on the wall while trying to maintain my balance a few more times I finally managed to find a spot I could hold my drawers and walk backward to the toilet. After what seemed like hours, I finally felt the cold toilet against the back of my legs, and I sat/fell back onto the seat and was ready to just let nature take its course when I looked down and came to the sudden and terrifying realization that since I still had the backpack on, I was sitting on the very front edge of the seat. It had just now stepped up to DEFCON 5. I had to think out of the box, I knew now that the backpack was going to keep my from sitting normally so I thought that if I leaned forward enough maybe I could slide back and proceed with the procedure. I leaned forward and was able to scootch back some but needed to move back some more, so I leaned forward to about a 65-degree angle but with the weight of the backpack having already exhausted me I just crashed down to my legs and was stuck. Believe me when I tell you, when you are stuck sitting folded in half on a toilet with a full backpack on your back but not sure if it is safe to do your business yet or not because you might not be over the hole just right you start contemplating things. I knew that I could not just give up, I did not want to be found that way, so I reached down deep inside for every last reserve bit of strength I had left, and with a mighty effort I managed to raise my tuckus from the seat putting my torso past a 90 degree angle which caused the backpack to slide forward and hit me in the back of the head. This shoved me forward into a duckwalk, and back into the wall. So, I scootched back and tried hovering over the toilet but it was hard to try and keep my balance so I was teetering back and forth like a seesaw on the playground. I had a quick thought, if I was to bend down as far as I could like trying to touch my toes maybe, just maybe the backpack would slide forward and come off. I tried it and it slowly slid its way over my head, down my arms, and down to the floor. I never felt so relieved in my life, and with tears in my eyes and a song in my heart I was able to complete my mission and managed to survive the whole ordeal.