2 members
Aperture Science / APERTURE
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Engineering -
Smuggling
Lets be honest, we’re all in this together.
As friends and partners in testing
Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Failure to follow simple test guidelines will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official testing record, followed by death
History
Aperture Science was founded as Aperture Fixtures in the early 1940s by Cave Johnson. Aperture Fixtures was primarily dedicated to the manufacture and distribution of shower curtains – a low-tech portal between the inside and outside of a shower – with Cave Johnson winning the “Shower Curtain Salesman of 1943” award.
Some time between 1943 and 1947 our company’s name was changed to “Aperture Science Innovators”. While this was initially done to make their shower curtains sound more hygienic, our company’s focus would indeed soon shift to actual science. Cave Johnson purchased a large, abandoned salt mine in Upper Michigan in which our Enrichment Center would be built; however, there was at least one alternate location in Cleveland, Ohio.
Throughout the late 1940s and the 1950s, we would begin our comprehensive testing and research practices. The best possible test subjects, the likes of Olympians, astronauts and war heroes were first chosen. They were also the second largest contractor after Black Mesa for the Department of Defense from 1952 to 1954. Aperture’s developments in this period included Repulsion Gel, the Weighted Storage Cube, the 1500 Megawatt Super Colliding Super Button and the Aperture Science Portable Quantum Tunneling Device, an early and significantly larger version of the modern Portal Gun.
By the 1970s, we were financially unstable. The Olympians, astronauts and war heroes that were used as test subjects were replaced with vagrants who were paid $60 for their time. We continued our research and created Propulsion Gel.
In the 1980s, test participation became mandatory for all staff, raising the quality of the test subjects, but diminishing employee retention. Our financial problems were severe at this time, but development continued. Moon rocks were used to create Conversion Gel, an efficient portal conductor. Cave Johnson would also be poisoned by his experiments with moon rocks and become deathly ill. As his health degraded he delegated his leadership to his assistant Caroline, asking that her consciousness be placed in a computer.
Testing continued with the hope that passing through portals repeatedly might cure our CEO Cave Johnson of his illness. Aperture Science also began development of its Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System, an artificial intelligence which would be used to oversee scientific testing.
In 1998, GLaDOS was brought online for the first time during Aperture Science’s annual bring-your-daughter-to-work-day. GLaDOS instantly became self-aware and became one of the best things that ever happened to the company. GLaDOS flooded the enrichment center with a neurotoxin, removing any unnecessary lifeforms. Aperture science’s test rate was increased, and effectively placed into a permanent testing cycle. The company is now at 92.56% proficiency, and rates are ever increasing due to the installment of GLaDOS. Without the installment of GLaDOS, the company would now be a further $5,765,986.56 in debt
Manifesto
Here at aperture, our most important important intentions are those of our Employees. Our employees are easily our most important company value, and if we were to sell our employees to the slave market, we would consider doing so a total of 3 times! Our employees get to try a wide range of jobs within our company, as well as being given the chance to invite others along as well! (Those invited are preferably close family or friends)
Here at aperture, our second most important motive is to do what we must to preserve our company for creating a better future. That’s right, by preserving the company and disregarding all other matters, we secure a better future for everyone due to how much good we will eventually do for everyone who is susceptible to receive an Aperture Science HE Package.
Charter
Our company charter has been shaped over the many years of experience that we’ve had dealing with people here at Aperture. The list has been reconstituted over 400 times due to incorrect use of equipment by Subjects and Scientists alike. Because of our dedication to the company, we have decided that people are too moronic to follow any more than 7 rules, so we will keep our boundaries within that of yours.
1. All personnel must be certified for interstellar flight (It is also recommended that you have the adequate knowledge to maneuver a ship in a 3D environment)
2. All personnel must follow instructions given by their senior teams.
3. Anyone found not abiding by these rules will get an unsatisfactory mark on your official record.
4. Personnel are required to take multiple tests to prove their sanity. (A sanity of 10% of higher must be achieved before entering your applications)
5. Any personnel found with weapons, or anything that could be used as a weapon will be left alone unless shooting other personnel
6. Personnel are strictly forbidden to go around the test deck with the carcasses of dead animals strapped to their backs, chanting the rain dance and spinning in circles. No matter how hard you people try it will not rain inside the testing facility.
7. Personnel must keep their levels of intoxication below 120% at all times unless it is permitted by the test they are undertaking.
8. For the last goddamn time my handheld statue that was given to me for being the most oblivious to human rights is NOT a sexual toy. I repeat, NOT a sexual toy.
9. The first employee to gain access to Black Mesas’ file system is awarded a “heading in the right direction” on their personal report