Bad Guys / BADGUYS

Founded: 2943 in the back alleys of Area18 by Reginald P. Fumbleton, a disgruntled former insurance adjuster who finally snapped after denying one too many “space whale collision” claims.

The Early Years (The Toilet Paper Incident of 2945)
Their first big operation was supposed to be a daring raid on a medical station’s luxury toilet paper shipment. They succeeded in stealing it… then accidentally delivered the entire load (at gunpoint) to a refugee camp on Hurston. The UEE gave them a commendation for humanitarian aid. Very Bad has never lived it down.

The Great “Conquest” of Stanton (2948)
After finding an abandoned Caterpillar floating in space (the crew had simply logged off), they declared themselves rulers of the system. They spent months welding spikes and painting it black, only for the original owners to log back in and politely ask for their ship back. The BADGUYS surrendered immediately and even helped clean it.

The Battle of the Wrong Waypoint (2951)
Their most famous military action. Intending to ambush a high-value convoy, their navigator (who learned jump plotting from a cereal box) dropped the entire fleet directly into a massive UEE training exercise. After ten minutes of confused shouting and one very polite “our bad” over open comms, both sides agreed to pretend it never happened.

Present Day
Very Bad now operates from their “dreaded” mobile headquarters, the SS Oops I Did It Again — a heavily modified (and constantly exploding) Polaris they somehow acquired. Their current grand plan is “total galactic domination… once we figure out how to stop our torpedoes from locking onto our own escort ships.”

They remain one of the most feared organizations in the ‘verse… mostly by their own insurance companies and the poor souls who accidentally join thinking it’s a mining co-op.

Recruitment Status: Always open.

Requirements: Pulse optional. Common sense strictly forbidden. Must be able to laugh at explosions that are definitely your fault.

Current Member Count: 47 (active) • 12 (lost in quantum) • 3 (still think they joined a different org)

Join Very Bad today.

We may be very bad at being bad… but at least we’re consistent.

BADGUYS — Making the galaxy worse, one glorious failure at a time.