British Freelance Group / BFG

Page Under Construction. Please check back soon!

003 – By joining Star Corps each individual tacitly consents to give up his inalienable rights to life, liberty and adequate toilet facilities.

005 – Gross negligence, leading to the endangerment of personnel.

112 – a living crew member always out-ranks a mechanical.

142 – In a hostage demand situation, a hologrammatic personality is entirely expendable.

147 – Crew members are expressly forbidden from leaving their vessel except on permission of a permit. Permits can only be issued by the Chief Navigation Officer, who is expressly forbidden from issuing them except on production of a permit.

195 – In an emergency power situation, a hologrammatic crewmember must lay down his life in order that the living crew-members might survive.

312 – Crew members in quarantine must be provided with minimum leisure facilities.

349 – Any officer found to have been slaughtered and replaced by a shape-changing chameleonic life form shall forfeit all pension rights.

497 – When a crewmember has run out of credits, food may not be supplied until the balance is restored.

592 – In an emergency situation involving two or more officers of equal rank, seniority will be given to whichever officer can programme a VCR.

596 – Crew files are for the eyes of the Captain only

597 – One berth per registered crew member.

699 – States that crew members may demand a rescreening after five days in quarantine showing no ill effect.

723 – Terraformers are expressly forbidden from recreating Swindon.

997 – Work done by an officer’s doppelgänger in a parallel universe cannot be claimed as overtime.

1694 – During temporal disturbances, no questions shall be raised about any crew member whose timesheet shows him or her clocking off 187 years before he clocked on.

1742 – No member of the Corps should ever report for active duty in a ginger toupee.

1743 – No registered vessel should attempt to traverse an asteroid belt without deflectors.

5796 – No officer above the rank of mess sergeant is permitted to go into combat with pierced nipples.

7214 – To preserve morale during long-haul missions, all male officers above the rank of First Technician must, during panto season, be ready to put on a dress and a pair of false breasts.

7713 – States that the log must be kept up to date at all times with current service records, complete mission data and a comprehensive and accurate list of all crew birthdays so that senior officers may avoid bitter and embarrassing silences when meeting in the corridor with subordinates who have not received a card.

34124 – No officer with false teeth should attempt oral sex in zero gravity.

43872 – Suntans will be worn during off-duty hours only.

98247 – No officer should be left behind on an inhabited planet unless he is missing two or more limbs.

196156 – Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the exercise bicycle in the women’s gym will be discharged without trial.

1947945 – A mechanoid may issue orders to human crew members if the lives of said crew members are directly or indirectly under threat from a hitherto unperceived source and there is inadequate time to explain the precise nature of the enormous and most imminent death threat.

39436175880932/B – All nations attending the conference are only allocated one car parking space. (Although this is given the title ‘ The All-Nations Agreement’)

39436175880932/C – POWs have a right to non-violent constraint.