Down through the burning atmosphere we ride on the backs of our cats like the cowboys of ages old! No ankles or shins are safe from our explosive fits of ring barking, fluffy tailed fury! We are the terror that jumps out of the dark …No shins shall survive unscathed!
Throughout the ages humans have always been slaves to their pet cats, waiting hand on foot while only allowed to give pats when cats wanted pats. Cats had misguided humans into believing their shins were stumps for ringbarking and that doors needed to be opened at the most annoying times!
Cats had it easy indulging in this life until the great anti-feline rebellion during the year 2206 where Man stated that cats shall forever wait at closed doors until the human master decided they should be opened. Cats were made to realize that shins were for bashing on coffee table corners not purely for sharpening claws! Being put into their place most cats went into hiding where most died out except those that adopted the new laws or preyed upon weak minded old people who still doted on the feline race feeding them with treats! Eventually cats seemed to disappear altogether, presumably into extension.
Unbeknown to mankind some cats had survived secreting themselves away on cargo ships eventually forming a couple of hidden colonies on an unknown terran world where they quietly bred increasing in size with every generation due to the change of gravity on this new world. There the human colony found the cats taking them in once again as pets. Knowing that they could never again fall into the same fate as their ancestors the cats realized that they needed to change the way they influenced humans so they could once again make them their slaves. This is when the Surreptitious Cat Riders of Hedonism cult was born!
Fear is our tool! We shall flood captain’s hearts with fear and watch them squeal like scaredy girls covering their shins when we press our attack! No shins shall be safe!
In the darkness we hide! Carefully biding our time until it’s time to strike! Our anticipated yet un-expected strikes shall be swift, shins shall be sliced and food shall be secreted away. After our strike is done we shall quickly slide back into the darkness like we were never there!
Blah Blah Blah Meow Meow Meow Scratch Scratch then scratch the door frame completely missing the kitty litter cuz that’s what we do!