The Cavemen Corporation [CAVCOR] - Organizations

History

Long ago — sometime between yesterday and a catastrophic fuel tank mishap — three semi-sentient lifeforms discovered that hitting space rocks with sticks could be profitable.

Thus, The Cavemen Corporation was born.

Originally founded as a “philosophical excavation collective”, the group quickly abandoned all pretense of organization, ethics, and object permanence. Their first ship, a reconditioned Prospector named “Bonk-1”, exploded 13 seconds into its maiden voyage after mistaking a plasma drill for a cup holder.

Undeterred by explosions, lawsuits, or basic spatial awareness, the trio expanded operations. They developed a highly specialized mining technique known as “Aggressive Mineral Reallocation” — which typically involved blowing up enemy ships, claiming their cargo, and calling it “ore-based diplomacy.”

Today, The Cavemen Corporation operates across the Stanton system and beyond, feared by pirates, misunderstood by geologists, and wanted by at least six insurance companies. Though officially listed as a mining and resource firm, most missions involve:

Flying directly into danger

Failing to scan before mining

PvP “negotiations” with missiles

Yelling “UGGHH” over voice comms

Despite their primitive branding, The Cavemen Corporation remains one of the universe’s most accidentally successful mining outfits — largely because no one ever expects them to survive long enough to deliver ore.

Their motto?

“We Mine. We Smash. We Forget Why.”

Manifesto

The Cavemen Corporation Manifesto
“We Mine. We Smash. We Forget Why.”

We Reject Intelligence.
Thinking leads to hesitation.
Hesitation leads to shields staying up.
We act on instinct, impulse, and deeply flawed judgment.
We don’t plan. We bonk.

We Are Tools With Tools.
Our ships are held together by duct tape, our gear is outdated, and our mining lasers are usually firing in the wrong direction.
But the job gets done.
Eventually.

We Launch Without Plans.
We don’t check the mission briefing.
We don’t read the map.
We fly at the rock, fire at the problem, and figure out the rest mid-explosion.
Sometimes, we even survive.

Ore Is Love. Ore Is Life.
Every rock is a story.
Sometimes that story is profit.
Sometimes it’s a ship-wide fire and an EVA with no helmet.
We mine for the thrill. The glow. The glorious debris.

Every Ship Is PvP If You Aim Poorly Enough.
We don’t always start fights.
But we do tend to finish them — usually face-down in a crater.
Aggressive diplomacy is just part of the process.

We Are a Tribe.
No hierarchy, no paperwork, no logic.
Just bad ideas, worse execution, and unconditional loyalty — until someone forgets to refuel.

We Are Not Responsible For:
- Friendly fire
- Exploding cargo
- Improvised missile use
- Screaming “ROCK!” after the collision
- Getting lost in our own mining claim
- Naming five ships in a row “Bonk V”

We are The Cavemen Corporation.
We are the past, present, and unfortunate future of interstellar mining.
Join us if you value chaos over caution.
Stand aside if you value your hull.

Charter

The Cavemen Corporation Charter
Established by accident. Maintained through confusion.

Article I – Purpose
The Cavemen Corporation exists to mine the stars, smash the competition, and occasionally remember why we launched in the first place. We are a spacefaring band of miners, fighters, and professional liability risks. Our primary activities include, but are not limited to:

- Resource extraction via brute force
- PvP combat (intentional or otherwise)
- Poorly-timed EVA maneuvers
- Creating mayhem in the name of minerals

We do not guarantee profit, precision, or professionalism. Only bonk.

Article II – Membership
Eligibility
If you can press a mining laser, forget your landing gear, or start a fight in local chat, you are eligible to join. Intelligence is not required and may be frowned upon.

Initiation
New members will be welcomed with a simple test: survive a mission with the founding members. Bonus points for crashing creatively.

Duties of Members:

- Smash rocks
- Yell “BONK!” at appropriate and inappropriate times
- Fight bravely, or at least loudly
- Never, under any circumstances, read the manual

Article III – Leadership Structure
There isn’t one.

We operate on caveman consensus, also known as “whoever yells the loudest.” In case of disagreement, decisions are resolved through a highly democratic method: rock-paper-missile.

Founders may occasionally pretend to be in charge but will likely crash first.

Article IV – Operations Protocol

Mining Procedure

Step 1: Find rock

Step 2: Hit rock

Step 3: Profit?

Step 4: Blame someone when Step 3 fails

Combat Procedure

Engage first

Ask questions while respawning

Run if needed, but scream bravely

Exploration Protocol

Get lost

Get more lost

Discover something, then forget where it was

Article V – Code of Conduct
Don’t grief. We’re dumb, not toxic.

Don’t cheat. If we’re winning, it should be by accident.

Don’t betray fellow Cavemen unless it’s hilarious and reversible.

Do bonk with honor.

Do yell “UGGHH” on comms when appropriate.

Do remember: This is a lifestyle, not a smart one.

Article VI – Amendments
Any member can propose changes to this charter. Proposals must be submitted via poorly drawn cave art or interpretive EVA dance. Changes are approved when all members nod in unison or fall asleep mid-discussion.