Meatballer / MEATBALLER

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Meatballer: ridiculously good-looking medics.

History Manifesto Charter

History

It all started in a medbay where someone asked, “But why male models?” while holding a scalpel. The answer? “Because patients need to look ridiculously good-looking while dying.”

Meatballer was founded by a group of medics who believed medicine should be less about sterile protocol and more about rolling people off the table with style.

From humble triage beginnings, we’ve grown into a questionable-but-fashionable medical force. Whether you’re bleeding out in a back alley or overdosing on Orange Mocha Frappuccinos, we’ll be there—patching you up just enough to strut Blue Steel back into the fight.

Some say we’re reckless. Others say we’re visionary. We say: Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. Probably.

Manifesto

We believe in three things:

Looking ridiculously good-looking.

Keeping you alive just long enough to look ridiculously good-looking.

Rolling you off the med table with style.

We are not your average medics. We don’t just heal—we heal fashionably. Where others see triage, we see a runway. Where others see blood loss, we see an accessory. Death may be inevitable, but at Meatballer, at least it’ll be fabulous.

Our mission is clear: save lives, deliver questionable bedside manner, and make the ‘verse a more stylishly survivable place. If you’re going to collapse, collapse with confidence. If you’re going to be revived, be revived like a star on center stage.

We are Meatballer. The galaxy’s most beautiful medical accident.

Charter

Article I – Name & Purpose
We are Meatballer, a medical organization dedicated to saving lives… and occasionally making them look ridiculously good-looking while doing it. Our purpose: triage with style, revive with flair, and make the ‘verse a little more dramatic.

Article II – Membership
Membership is open to anyone willing to patch wounds, dodge explosions, and occasionally strike a Blue Steel pose mid-rescue. You don’t need a PhD—just panache and a sense of humor.

Article III – Duties

Heal the injured, preferably before they hit the floor.

Ensure all medical procedures are performed with maximum style points.

Maintain morale by making sure every patient leaves the medbay feeling both alive and fabulous.

Roll patients off tables responsibly (or at least photogenically).

Article IV – Leadership
Leaders are chosen based on:

Ability to keep calm under fire.

Skill in first aid and sarcasm.

Capacity to strike Blue Steel while performing CPR.

Article V – Conduct
Members shall:

Prioritize patient survival, with style as a close second.

Avoid unnecessary drama… unless it’s fashionable drama.

Keep medical jargon comprehensible to non-models.

Article VI – Motto
“Stay alive. Stay stylish. Stay Meatballer.”