Periastron / PERIASTRON

Orbiting Success, One Gray Area at a Time Dream Big, Cut Corners Bigger
Why aim for the stars when you can lease a Drake caterpillar on a budget? At Periastron, we believe in doing more with less—less time, less money, and, occasionally, fewer safety inspections. After all, no one remembers the paperwork; they remember the launch (assuming it doesn’t explode). Space for All (Who Can Afford It)
We champion universal access to the cosmos—provided you can pay our “flexible” fees. Discounts available for bulk contraband launches, propulsion systems that “fell off the back of a truck”, and unregulated cargo movements. Who needs bureaucracy when you have ambition? Innovation Through Improvisation
Why reinvent the wheel when you can duct-tape two wheels together? At Periastron, we pride ourselves on groundbreaking engineering solutions like “whatever’s lying around” and “this looks sturdy enough.” Our ships may look like patchwork, but hey, they’re aerodynamic patchwork.

Transparency is Overrated
Our contracts are printed in 6-point font, our terms are “fluid,” and our launch schedules are as reliable as the Asia based Star Citizen servers. But rest assured, we’ll get your payload somewhere. Destination guaranteed (fine print: not guaranteed).

Red Tape is for Other Planets
At Periastron, we boldly ignore regulatory boundaries, just like we ignore gravity. Need a bounty delivered yesterday? Need something salvaged” that no one can know about? No problem. We specialize in “discretionary payloads” and “creative compliance.”

Failure is Optional, Spin Control is Mandatory
Did a ship explode? That’s not a failure; it’s a “high-velocity learning experience.” Lost communication with a mining claim? We call that “autonomous orbiting.” Every setback is an opportunity to redefine success—preferably in a press release.

Ethics: A Flexible Frontier
To infinity and beyond the moral high ground! From asteroid mining rights to orbital parking fees, if it’s not nailed down in international law, it’s fair game. And if it is nailed down, we’ve got a claw hammer.

Our Promise to Investors
At Periastron, we guarantee returns—mostly in the form of dramatic escape footage and creative accounting. Remember: It’s not about how many contracts get filled; it’s about how many headlines we make.

The Periastron Creed
“Why play it safe when you can play it fast and loose?” Whether it’s questionable propulsion methods, unlicensed space tourism, or that time we accidentally stole a classified object, Periastron pushes the boundaries of space orginazations—and common sense.

Final Thoughts
Space isn’t just the final frontier; it’s a lucrative one. And if someone gets there faster, cheaper, and slightly more recklessly than everyone else, it’ll be Periastron. Join us as we redefine the universe—one ethically ambiguous launch at a time.

CHARTER

Public Charter of Periastron: To Infinity, With Minimal Liability

Article I: Our Purpose
Periastron exists to make space accessible—to ourselves, mostly, and occasionally to paying customers. Our mission is to explore, innovate, and profit in ways that raise eyebrows and lower expectations. Space is the Wild West, and we’re the slightly shadier saloon owner.

Article II: Governance
Periastron is governed by a three-pronged system of leadership: Visionaries: People who come up with big ideas while conveniently forgetting about budgets, laws, and physics. Operators: Folks tasked with making those ideas work, usually with duct tape and wishful thinking. Legal Advisors: The MVPs who ensure we call them “creative practices” instead of “violations.”

Decisions are made democratically, except when someone disagrees with the Primarch, in which case the Primarch is always right.

Article III: Commitment to Excellence (ish)
We aim to deliver cutting-edge space solutions that: • Look fantastic on paper. • Are vaguely functional in practice. • Occasionally defy the laws of probability by succeeding.
We pledge to work tirelessly—mostly to reframe setbacks as “pioneering efforts in alternative trajectories.”

Article IV: Ethics (Terms and Conditions Apply)
At Periastron, ethics are a guiding star that we occasionally follow, provided it doesn’t interfere with profits or convenience. We are deeply committed to: • Avoiding obvious illegalities whenever possible. • Ensuring plausible deniability in all operations. • Supporting sustainability (by making sure debris burns up somewhere).

Article V: Public Relations
We promise to maintain the appearance of transparency, clarity, and integrity. Our PR team is available 24/7 to spin malfunctions into “unexpected fireworks” and “proof of bold experimentation.” Remember, the sky is not the limit—it’s the PR ceiling.

Article VI: Services Offered
Periastron specializes in the following: • Cargo hauling (bootlegging): Guaranteed deployment into orbit. Exact orbit negotiable. • Space tourism (kidnapping): A once-in-a-lifetime experience (sometimes quite literally). • “Special Projects” (illegal sh*t): No questions, no paperwork, no problem.

Article VII: Customer Responsibility
By working with Periastron, clients agree to: • Waive all liability for “unforeseen circumstances,” which may include explosions, delays, and mysterious loss of payloads. • Acknowledge that space is inherently risky and so is doing business with us. • Smile for the cameras during launch because it might be your only souvenir.

Article VIII: Vision for the Future
We envision a world where space is a bustling hub of commerce, innovation, and occasional chaos—largely orchestrated by us. Our long-term goals include: • Establishing colonies (or at least real estate scams) on various planets. • Developing asteroid mining technology (and “misplacing” a few asteroids). • Becoming the Amazon of space (but with fewer refunds).

Article IX: Final Clause
Periastron reserves the right to amend, ignore, or completely rewrite this charter at any time, depending on market conditions, regulatory developments, or whimsy.
Periastron: Because Space Is a Vacuum, and So Is Our Moral Compass.