Pure N Clean – Org Introduction

Pure N Clean is a straightforward, no-drama organization built on respect, teamwork, and getting the job done right. We keep our comms clear, our operations org

Standing Order 69 now in effect:

All PUR N KLEEN Star Citizens regardless of gender require a mustache.

History Manifesto Charter

History

A (Totally Accurate) History of Pure N Clean¹

Long before Pure N Clean became a respected — or at least tolerated — organization in the Stanton system, it began as a humble cleaning crew assigned to scrub reactor coolant leaks aboard a mining barge. The crew quickly realized two things:

Nothing in the ’verse is actually clean.
People will pay a lot of money to avoid cleaning anything themselves.

Inspired by this profound truth (and by a general desire to never mop again), the team restructured themselves into something more ambitious: a fully operational, semi-coherent, almost-legal organization dedicated to taking on whatever jobs needed doing… as long as they didn’t involve actual cleaning supplies.

The Great Rebranding

Their big break came after a minor PR misunderstanding involving a mislabeled container of “Ultra-Pure Cleaning Foam,” a cargo bay fire, and an insurance claim that technically might still be under investigation.

To distance themselves from that incident (and the foam), the crew rebranded as Pure N Clean — a name they claimed represented:

Pure intentions
Clean operations
And absolutely no relation to industrial solvent mishaps

The name stuck, probably because no one else wanted it.

Expansion Into… Well… Everything

Once they discovered that space cleaning wasn’t profitable unless you were a robot with no sense of smell, Pure N Clean expanded their “services.” These included:

Cargo hauling
Escort missions
Salvage operations
Bootleg “environmental purification services”
Accidentally honest security work
And occasionally cleaning things… but only if explosives were involved

Their motto became:

“We don’t clean ships. We clean problems.”

The Culture

Pure N Clean quickly developed a reputation:

Friendly
Somewhat competent
Chronically allergic to paperwork
And known for their strict “don’t-be-a-jerk” rule, which, confusingly, was also applied to coffee mugs left floating in zero-G.

Despite everything — or maybe because of everything — their ranks grew.

Modern Day Pure N Clean

Today, Pure N Clean is a loose collective of pilots, misfits, and over-caffeinated spacehands who pride themselves on:

Flying clean
Keeping vibes pure
And messing up just enough to stay interesting

If it pays well, isn’t too illegal, and doesn’t require vacuuming, Pure N Clean will probably take the job.

Welcome aboard — just don’t ask who’s responsible for the foam incident.²

¹ Definitely not accurate.

² It was definitely not us. Probably.

Manifesto

Pure N Clean Manifesto

“We don’t clean ships. We clean up situations.”

We, the noble (and occasionally sober) members of Pure N Clean, do hereby declare the following sacred truths of the ’verse:

1. Cleanliness Is Next to Profitability.

We pledge to keep our ships clean-ish, our consciences mostly clear, and our profits absolutely filthy.

2. We Do Not Run From Danger.

We jog casually away from it while trying not to spill our coffee.
This is called strategy.

3. Drama Is Forbidden.

Bad comms? Allowed.
Bad flying? Expected.
Bad attitudes? Ejected out the airlock (figuratively… mostly).

4. Chaos Is Inevitable — But It Should Be Organized Chaos.

If everything is going wrong at the same time, it’s still teamwork.

5. If It’s Not Tied Down, It’s Salvage.

If it is tied down, it’s still salvage… but it might require scissors.

6. No Member Shall Ever Admit Fault.

Instead, we shall blame:

Lag
Quantum interference
Server desync
Or Dave. Always Dave.

7. Pure N Clean Does Not Discriminate.

All playstyles welcome:

Miners
Traders
Bounty hunters
Space janitors
People who say “I can land this” right before exploding

We are united in our shared desire to avoid actual cleaning.

8. Snacks Are Mandatory.

No pilot shall embark on any mission without:

Energy drinks
Mystery meat ration bars
Or something crunchy to annoy everyone on comms

9. We Believe In Doing Good.

Not “good” as in morally pure.
“Good” as in good enough.

10. Our Legacy Will Be Clean.

Not because we were responsible or professional,
but because we erased the camera footage.

In conclusion:

We are Pure N Clean —
pure intentions, clean-ish operations, and a proud tradition of making the ’verse a little better and significantly louder.

Join us.
Be clean.
Stay pure.
Or at least pretend.

Charter

Pure N Clean Official Charter

Because apparently we need rules.

Article I — Membership

Anyone may join Pure N Clean, provided they:
a) Don’t cause drama,
b) Don’t smell like unwashed space suit, and
c) Can at least pretend to know which button fires the guns.

New members are not hazed.

They haze themselves naturally by trying to land their ship.

Article II — Organization Structure

Leadership exists purely to blame when things go wrong.

All members have an equal voice, except when they’re wrong.

The rank of “Clean Captain” may be bestowed upon anyone who successfully organizes a mission without accidentally causing a crime.

Article III — Behavior

No toxic behavior.
Mildly radioactive behavior is acceptable if amusing.

No yelling on comms unless you’re on fire.
Or think you’re on fire.
Or saw something that might cause fire.

Never take yourself too seriously.
This is Pure N Clean, not the Navy.

Article IV — Operations

Missions shall be carried out with the highest standards of professionalism we can reasonably fake.

If a plan fails, it becomes a “learning experience.”

If a plan succeeds, it becomes “totally what we intended.”

Loot is shared fairly — unless someone carried the team, in which case they get first dibs on the shiny stuff.

Article V — Equipment & Ships

Members must maintain their ships to Pure N Clean standards:

No crumbs in the cockpit

No mysterious fluids

No parking in forbidden places marked “Do Not Park Here, Dave”

Any ship exploded in the line of duty is considered “part of the process.”

Any ship exploded not in the line of duty is considered “Dave’s fault.”

Article VI — Conflict Resolution

Arguments shall be resolved maturely:
a) Duel with tractor beams
b) Rock-paper-scissors
c) Asking Shannon (who is somehow always right)

If all else fails, flip a coin and blame quantum fluctuations.

Article VII — Cleanliness & Purity

Members must uphold the organization motto:
“Pure of heart, clean of ship, filthy rich in spirit.”

Real-life cleaning is optional.
In-game cleaning is forbidden unless explosives are involved.

Any mess caused by an operation will be described as “proof of action.”

Article VIII — Penalties

Violations of the charter will be met with proportionate consequences:

Gentle teasing

Harsh teasing

Or being forced to fly a starter ship for one day

The ultimate penalty is being placed in “Time Out Hangar,”
where you must reflect on your choices while staring at your insurance claim timer.

Article IX — Amendments

Amendments may be proposed by any member.

Approval requires a unanimous vote or bribery with snacks.

All changes must be written in crayon or typed in Comic Sans to maintain internal consistency.

Signed:
The totally legitimate, not-at-all-overworked leadership of Pure N Clean

Helping the ’verse, one accidental explosion at a time.

Pur "N" Kleen Trading Company / PNKTRADECO