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Space Somalians / SNIS

  • Syndicate
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    Freelancing
  • Piracy
    Piracy
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WE DEM SPACE BOIS

History Manifesto Charter

History

Alright, gather ‘round, space cadets, ‘cause I’m about to spin you another yarn that’ll have you seeing stars! Let me take you back to the wild days of 2900, when the Space Somalians were just a twinkle in the eye of none other than Cornelis the Blind and his ragtag crew.

Now, picture this: a band of cosmic misfits, led by the one and only Cornelis the Blind, a man so daring, he’d fly blindfolded through an asteroid field just for kicks. They were on a quest for… well, truth be told, they weren’t exactly sure what they were questing for, but by the stars, they were gonna find it!

Their adventures were the stuff of legend. They danced with space pirates, outwitted space emperors, and even stumbled upon a few space treasures along the way. But it was one fateful mishap that truly set them on the path to greatness.

You see, there was a bit of a mix-up with a shipment of, uh, “cosmic moisturizer” or somethin’ like that. Long story short, they ended up with a cargo hold full of… you guessed it, pee. Now, most folks would’ve just chucked the stuff out the airlock and called it a day, but not Cornelis and his crew. Oh no, they saw potential where others saw… well, pee.

And thus, the legend of the pee plunderers was born. From that day forth, the Space Somalians roamed the stars, liberating pee from unsuspecting travelers and turning it into the finest lotion this side of the galaxy. Sure, it wasn’t exactly what they had in mind when they set out on their grand adventure, but hey, sometimes you gotta roll with the punches, right?

And so, with their trusty motto, “That’s the way she goes!” echoing through the cosmos, Cornelis and his crew continued their journey through the stars, leaving a trail of pee-scented chaos in their wake. So here’s to Cornelis the Blind and his merry band of pee plunderers – may their legend shine as brightly as the stars themselves!

Manifesto

Uhh, so, like, we’re the Space Somalians, yeah? We’re like, the bad guys in space, you know? We do stuff that’s like, not normal, but like, we’re good at it, I guess.

So, um, we take pee from people who are exploring space, and also from like, cops or whatever, we call ‘em pigs ‘cause they’re always after us. And then, uh, we use that pee stuff as lotion, ‘cause… I dunno, it’s funny, I guess……definitely not because we’re into that.

And, like, we don’t like humans being in space ‘cause… I dunno, it’s just not right, you know? Like, space should be for everyone, not just humans. They think they own everything, but they don’t!

So, yeah, we wanna mess up humanity’s stuff in space ‘cause they’re mean and stuff. We’re gonna make ‘em sorry for being out here, ‘cause we don’t like ‘em. We’re the Space Somalians, and we’re gonna be around for… uh, a long time, I guess.

Charter

So you wanna be a Space Somalian? Well, I’m about to lay down the expectations for ya.

First off, you gotta have guts. I’m talkin’ guts the size of asteroids, ‘cause this ain’t no job for the faint-hearted. We’re out here in the black, doin’ things that’ll make your mama faint, so if you’re gonna join up, you better be ready to get your hands dirty.

Next up, you gotta be quick on your feet. Space moves fast, and if you ain’t quick enough, you’ll find yourself floatin’ out in the void faster than you can say “Houston, we got a problem.” We need people who can think on their feet, improvise like their life depends on it (spoiler alert: it probably does), and outsmart the space pigs at every turn.

Oh, and speaking of space pigs, you gotta be able to handle ‘em. These guys ain’t just gonna roll over and let us take their pee and make lotion out of it. Nah, they’re gonna come at us with everything they got – lasers, spaceships, you name it. So if you’re gonna be a Space Somalian, you better be ready to throw down with the best of ‘em.

But hey, it ain’t all doom and gloom. We have our fun too, you know? We’re out here livin’ on the edge, takin’ what we want and laughin’ in the face of danger. So if you’re lookin’ for adventure, excitement, and more pee lotion than you can shake a stick at, then welcome aboard, friend. The Space Somalians are waitin’ for ya.