Zahn Emergency Reclamation Group / ZHERG

“I am a connosiuer of fine refuse.” – Tiberius Zahn, UEE Contract File Hearing A-9023×7B

CORPORATE MANIFEST of the ZAHN EMERGENCY RECLAMATION GROUP (Z.E.R.G.)

Article I Foundational Charter and Ontological Standing

The Zahn Emergency Reclamation Group (hereafter “Z.E.R.G.” or “the Corporation,” or “the Entity of Record”) is hereby constituted as a trans‑sector, multi‑jurisdictional reclamation authority empowered to engage in the identification, acquisition, stabilization, and subsequent disposition of spacecraft deemed, in Z.E.R.G.’s unilateral and unreviewable judgment, to be malfunctioning, compromised, derelict, or otherwise subject to emergency reclamatory intervention.

For avoidance of doubt, “malfunctioning” shall be defined exclusively, perpetually, and irrevocably by Z.E.R.G., irrespective of any contradictory assessments, diagnostics, or protestations issued by vessel owners, operators, insurers, planetary governments, or other parties claiming interest or standing.

Article II Corporate Purpose and Operational Mandate

Z.E.R.G. is established for the express purpose of safeguarding interstellar transit corridors through the timely reclamation of spacecraft exhibiting, or alleged by Z.E.R.G. to exhibit, operational anomalies. Such anomalies may include, but are not limited to:

• Actual system failures
• Potential system failures
• Hypothetical system failures
• System failures that Z.E.R.G. reasonably anticipates could occur under speculative circumstances
• System failures that Z.E.R.G. asserts have occurred, regardless of empirical evidence to the contrary

All determinations of malfunction status shall be made at the sole discretion of Z.E.R.G. and shall not be subject to appeal, arbitration, inquiry, or even polite questioning.

Article III Scope of Reclamation Authority

Upon Z.E.R.G.’s issuance of a Malfunction Determination Notice (MDN), whether verbal, written, telepathic, or implied through the Corporation’s mere presence in proximity to a vessel, the following rights shall vest immediately and automatically:

• The right to board, seize, tow, dismantle, or otherwise repossess the vessel
• The right to override all shipboard systems, including but not limited to navigation, life support, and entertainment modules
• The right to disregard owner objections, crew statements, or sensor logs purporting to show normal function
• The right to declare any resistance as “obstruction of reclamatory justice,” a Class‑Ω infraction

The vessel’s owner acknowledges that Z.E.R.G.’s determination of malfunction is final, binding, and cosmically authoritative, even if the vessel is demonstrably functioning at or above manufacturer specifications.

Article IV Liability, Indemnification, and Other Burdensome Provisions

All parties interacting with Z.E.R.G. agree to indemnify, defend, and hold harmless the Corporation from any claims, losses, damages, emotional distress, or existential crises arising from:

• The reclamation of vessels not actually malfunctioning
• The reclamation of vessels that were functioning perfectly
• The reclamation of vessels that were, in fact, brand new
• The reclamation of vessels that Z.E.R.G. simply found suspicious, aesthetically displeasing, or “vibing wrong”

Furthermore, Z.E.R.G. shall not be liable for incidental, consequential, or metaphysical damages, including but not limited to temporal displacement, quantum entanglement with unwanted parties, or the sudden realization that one’s ship was never truly one’s own.

Article V Proprietary Assessment Methodologies

Z.E.R.G. employs a suite of proprietary malfunction‑assessment protocols, including but not limited to:

• The Zahn Multiaxial Diagnostic Guesswork Matrix
• The Emergency Reclamation Intuition Engine
• The “Looks Like Trouble” Visual Heuristic
• The Zahn Doctrine of Preemptive Salvage

These methodologies are confidential, non‑replicable, and may contradict one another without invalidating any resulting determination.

Article VI Owner Acknowledgment and Consent (Implied, Not Required)

By operating any spacecraft within any region of space accessible, visible, or theoretically reachable by Z.E.R.G. personnel, drones, or long‑range sensors, the owner:

• Grants Z.E.R.G. full authority to evaluate the vessel’s status
• Accepts Z.E.R.G.’s exclusive right to define “malfunction”
• Waives all rights to dispute reclamation actions
• Concedes that Z.E.R.G. probably knows best

Consent is considered irrevocably granted whether or not the owner is aware of Z.E.R.G.’s existence or presence.

Article VII Amendments and Interpretive Supremacy

Z.E.R.G. reserves the right to amend, reinterpret, nullify, or retroactively apply any portion of this manifest at any time, for any reason, or for no reason whatsoever. All interpretations of this document shall be made solely by Z.E.R.G., whose determinations shall be considered infallible, binding, and cosmologically self‑justifying.

Our Board of Directors will unveil our official corporate statements soon. Please come back for updated information.