CITIZEN DOSSIER

I was your average bio-engineer experimenting with gene splicing. One day, an antelope got into the lab. During my struggle to remove the beast, we fell into the gene splicing pool...
I emerged cloven hoofed and covered in hair, with no memory of bio-engineering. I was lost...
Fortunately, I had retained the antelope's skill and knowledge of Proctology.
Unfortunately, I had no love for medicine and didn't care to pursue a career in it.
Fortunately, the antelope had a plethora of memories about space combat.
Unfortunately, he was a terrible pilot and had survived solely on luck.
Fortunately, I met a pirate king who agreed to teach me in exchange for butt surgery.
Unfortunately, he died during the operation due to trauma inflicted by a hoof.
Fortunately, the other pirates didn't like him much and agreed to train me.
Unfortunately, they all died during training.
Fortunately, I had already learned a lot.
Unfortunately, I also died during the training.
Fortunately, It was only for a few minutes.