A Hitchhiker’s Guide: First Steps (Without Dying)

Welcome, traveler! 🚀 In this first chapter of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to Star Citizen, we’ll guide you through your very first steps in the Verse — without panic, without drama... and hopefully, without dying. Learn how to: Wake up in Area18 (gracefully, if possible), Move, jump, and look mildly competent, Buy your essential survival gear, Understand and use your inventory, And finally, retrieve your very first ship. Whether you’re completely new to Star Citizen or just need a gentle refresher, this is your friendly (and slightly sarcastic) introduction to surviving your first moments in the chaos of ArcCorp. Remember: A towel might just save your life. 🛸

How the "A.I" intro was made: It all began with a photo.

Not just any photo, mind you. A portrait of me, taken by my wife — a woman whose tolerance for my strange ideas is rivalled only by her skill in pretending they’re normal. I was wearing a bathrobe, clutching a towel like my life depended on it, and donning winter cycling gloves designed for arctic expeditions... or at least for someone who’s very bad at checking the weather.

This masterpiece of questionable fashion was then dragged into the digital void known as Photoshop. There, I carefully cut myself out — because frankly, no one wants to see our living room in a space adventure intro, especially not with the laundry basket of shame lurking in the background. A few magical tweaks later, and I had a proper astronaut helmet on my head and a backpack that screamed, “I definitely didn’t forget snacks this time.”

Mars came next. Not the chocolate, unfortunately, but the planet. I slid a Mars background behind me, adjusted the lighting until it looked like I sort of belonged there, and made sure the whole thing whispered “cosmic explorer” rather than “guy who got lost on his way to the kitchen.”

Then came the final act: animation.

With the help of an Artificial Intelligence — which, to its credit, only judged me silently — I transformed the still image into a moving picture. It took six attempts, two hours, all of my credits, and three cups of coffee (the third of which briefly achieved sentience and tried to unionize).

But in the end, it worked.

And thus, an intro was born. Slightly ridiculous, mildly heroic, and proudly caffeinated.

Now, sure... I could have hired an American blockbuster VFX studio for about five thousand euros.

I could have spent several months learning Blender until my brain looked like melted cheese.

I could have even grabbed a ready-made intro from Themeforest and awkwardly glued my name on top.

But honestly — where's the fun in that?

Other software used:

Logo & Animation: Created with Adobe Photoshop and DaVinci Resolve.

Sound: Produced with Cubase 14.

Video: Made with DaVinci Resolve 20, by a human.

Gameplay & Recording: Captured by me, a human.

Author of the Text: Written by me, a human.

Speaker: Text-to-Speech (because it fits better than my own voice).