News Update: BOotyCall

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Yeah, you found us. What, you want a crisp or something? This here’s another broadcast of BOotyCall hitting you from the bandwidth of the Spectrum. I’m your man, Jester, keeping one step ahead of the law, bustin’ facts and bombs from all corners of the ’verse. Ain’t like you Scurrows appreciate it. Hell no, ninety percent of the relays I get are complaints. Well, guess what, I’m loading all them in’a missile and if I see any of you, I’ll blast that stick so far up the dingo you’ll become the new Banu God of Gripes.

I’m kiddin’, peoples. I’d run with you sinners and scumbags than the so-called law-abiding Citizens any day.

So let’s cut the chatter and get to things that matter. First off, the Threatdown, the only place to juice up your enemies or skim warnings to your friends. Do Fringers got friends? More like people you don’t blast on sight.

First off, the Makarel Marauders is claimin’ they hit the Clown hideout in Nul. Hammer Phelps be thanking the Clowns for all their recent looting runs. The man say directly, “Yous scantas gotta roust more of da bizzon. Gets us more the Creds. Hahaha.” Goes without saying to steer clear if you see either of these packs out on the prowl, ’less you’re looking for a bit of the tangle.

Next, I got a personal comm from Arno Vacch to AtmoScope, “Next time we cross, you’re ghosted. Then I’m gonna go to work on you. You’ll be praying for an empty-casket, you rotten son of a bitch. I can’t wait to kill you …” It keep goin’ for half a screen but you get the signal. If you don’t, he sent a snap that pretty much sums it up …

On the flip side, we got a warning too. Anonymous listener dropped this here message for the Kid Crimson. Said the law was hovering in Davien looking to bait him with some juicy cargo. So, if you’re receiving, let the system cool for a couple months, Kid.

I’ll hit up some more in a bit but there’s something else I gotta jaw about. Joker came out with their latest line of gear and there are a couple real beauties in there. Case you ain’t seen it, here’s my two favs:

They got the TRS-1 Enna …. Ennervator … whatever that is. This thing is sweet. Now I’m a user, ain’t had much time for learning why things do the things they do, so I can’t explain the fine about how it works but here’s the sweep. All of us been in one of those scraps where you manage to knock down some dope’s shields, by the time you twist around and get a lock on them again, the shields have already bounced back up and you gotta skim ’em down again. The TRS is here to help. You tag some skag with this when their shields are down and it won’t work otherwise. Now it won’t do any damage but it’ll slash the rate in which their shields can regenerate, giving you that extra time to ghost ’em.

The other is Seatow Armor Plating. It’s like a custom alloy or weave or something, I don’t know. Yeah, the damage resistance is low for the price but the real belly of what you’re paying for goes to the special coat that cuts down your reflected energy signature. Yeah, you heard me, stealth plating. Sure, it don’t turn you invisible but if someone aims a scan in your direction, it gon’ be tougher to pick you out. I’ll put it this way, my ma used to take me to the Fourth Sun Unity Church for years and I never had the slightest inkling of an Almighty, but this …

To put it another way, I want these things so bad I might actually pay for them. Probably not though, so be warned, if you’re sporting these and we ever cross, I will steal the hell out of them.

That’ll do it for this segment. Keep sifting through the trash to find me, your man Jester. Remember keep one step ahead of the mercs and Law, two steps ahead of other scum like you. Or don’t, get blasted, I don’t care.

This is BOotycall.

Screw you!

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