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The Hottest Celebrity News From All the Systems.

Hey StarWatchers, Callie C here, dropping only the greenest gossip about only the Empire’s most elite. As always, thanks to all the tipsters out there who contribute to making this the best damn entertainment news show there is. We couldn’t do this without you. And on that note, comforting hugs, you guys!

As you all know, me and the rest of ’verse continue to cope since the dreadful death of actor Jared Yildiz with an ongoing outpouring of sentimental support across the spectrum. The most touching so far may just be the new release by pirate turned rock-god, Kətər. Titled “One Way Back,” all the proceeds will be donated to K.U.T. FREE, a charity dedicated to preventing wayward youth from becoming outlaws by teaching them music. Kətər says, “I know what it’s like to feel like you have nowhere to go, but being a pirate ain’t the answer. Trust me. What happened to Jared just shows how much we need to let these kids know they have other options.” As if Kətər’s voluptuous vocals weren’t enough of a reason to buy his songs already. Skip a beat, right?

Not sure what to make of this next one, my pups. Is it too soon for a Jared Yildiz tell-all movie? Whatever you think, we’re going to get an answer Friday when WhatNet releases their unauthorized biovid staring newcomer Geraldo Fape. TBH, Fape is a spot on dopple for Jared so it might help make this clear cash-in pill a little easier to swallow. Sources on set have revealed that the vid will span Jared’s whole career from his first role as little Robbie on “The Smallest Ship” to his most recent run as the slaver Nefario on “Black of Night” while taking on taboo topics such as his on and off again rocky relationship with Troy Grange and his supposed struggles with addiction. Nothing will be spared. They even shot a full reenactment of his Phoenix being boarded, but don’t be surprised if the death scene winds up being cut. Some things are even too tasteless for net execs. I for one will be the first to admit that this is going to be a total hatewatch for me. Expect a live chat sesh during the premiere.

Speaking of addiction, rumors of rumors have started to bubble up that Ellroy Cass allegedly was the one who gave Jared the Neon found aboard his Phoenix. The infamous Davien deviant was seen partying with Jared at Club Hole the night before his death. With him just out of rehab, these allegations could put Ellroy’s show back on ice, or see it canceled altogether. Cass, when cornered for confirmation, claimed the whole thing to be “complete crap.” While StarWatch has always rooted for Ellroy, if drugs were involved in the strange happenings on Jared’s ship, it will be hard not to ask if Cass shares some of the blame for this tragic tragedy.

Now, let’s chat with our crime correspondent Nash Toulouse and catch up on the case. Nash, what do we know?

Nash: What looked like at first to be a boarding gone wrong has turned into the mystery of the year with the alleged discovery of large quantities of Neon aboard Jared’s Constellation. The buzz going around is that the autopsy showed Jared may have OD’d in his hot tub before the boarders even shot him. If that’s true, then why shoot a dead man? And, if our tipsters’ photo analysis of Jared’s bed are right, was there someone else partying aboard with the star? If yes, who is this unaccounted-for guest and why have they yet to come forward?

Does the Advocacy really think someone else might have been aboard before the thieves ransacked the ship?

Nash: It makes a lot of sense, Callie. The Phoenix is a big ship to be flying by yourself, especially when you consider that Jared typically cruised around in his 300i and was known to only use his Connie for parties. But probably the biggest piece of evidence in support of this theory is the missing P-72 Archimedes. Confirmed to have been aboard when Jared left his hangar, it was originally suspected that the thieves made off with the fighter. But what if this Guest X was the one who took it?

So we find the P-72, and we may just find ourselves the truth.

Nash: It would definitely be a start. Really, the only thing we do know for sure is that a warrant has been issued for Bont Viceroy, who has been arrested twice previously on robbery charges. The Advocacy won’t say in exactly what way Bont is connected to the crime, but has stated that he is to be brought in for questioning as a person of interest.

Thanks, Nash. If any of you tipsters are bounty hunters, it would be great to hear what the guild is doing about all this. Whoever took Jared from us needs to be brought to justice!

That’s all for today, my lovelies. Remember, in addition to all the blast celeb rumors and scoops you send me, to keep posting your favorite Jared memories. We’re going to share the best on the next show. I’m Callie C, stay strong, and I’ll see you soon.

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The Hottest Celebrity News From All the Systems.

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